


"What If We Carpooled?"

by peenklemonade



Category: Haikyuu!!, ハイパープロジェクション演劇「ハイキュー!!」| Hyper Projection Play "Haikyuu!!" RPF
Genre: Ass or Tits debate, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, Feel-good, Gen, OR IS THERE, Road Trips, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, finally figured out ao3's formatting, so many characters - Freeform, there might be some goshihina subtext
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:54:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25965439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peenklemonade/pseuds/peenklemonade
Summary: With naps, feral screaming, exchanging parenting tips, 80s music, bullying Atsumu "Pisshead" Miya, DnD stats, and Ass vs Tits to When is it gay with the homies, I wrote it all in 2 weeks, and don't regret any of it. Have a roadtrip fic, you heathens!
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), there might be subtext tho
Comments: 8
Kudos: 25





	"What If We Carpooled?"

**Author's Note:**

> Heres the roadtrip cars! Skip past if you want(´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡
> 
> Chill Car:  
> Ennoshita  
> Reon  
> Kunimi  
> Osamu  
> Kenma  
> Aone
> 
> Feral Car:  
> Ukai  
> Tanaka  
> Nishinoya  
> Lev  
> Tendou  
> Kyoutani
> 
> Team Mom Car:  
> Takeda  
> Sugawara  
> Semi  
> Akaashi  
> Iwaizumi  
> Yaku
> 
> Team Dad Captain Car:  
> Daichi  
> Wakatoshi  
> Kuroo  
> Terushima  
> Bokuto  
> Oikawa
> 
> Salt Car:  
> Konoha  
> Futakuchi  
> Tsukishima  
> Atsumu  
> Matsukawa  
> Hanamaki
> 
> Sunshine Car:  
> Asahi  
> Yamaguchi  
> Hinata  
> Koganegawa  
> Goshiki  
> Inouka  
> Kindaichi
> 
> Hold My Drink Car:  
> Kai  
> Sakunami  
> Kageyama  
> Shibayama  
> Yahaba  
> Yamamoto  
> Watari

“What if we carpooled?” Daichi asked, the team captains were currently brainstorming ways they’d get to the training camp. The busses they’d reserved had broken down last minute, and now that they were all there, none of them really knew what to do. It was a 3 hour ride, so they couldn’t walk.

“Good idea, Sawamura, but how do we choose who’s in who’s car?” Ushijima questioned, face pensive with thought. Kuroo grabbed his phone from his back pocket.

“Random number generator? We could assign a number to everyone, blah blah blah?”

The group agreed, and called their coaches over. The coaches, surprisingly, were fine with it. However, Takeda and Ukai requested to drive in some cars, which was easily accepted.

Clapping his hands, Ukai directed everyone to listen.

“ALRIGHT! I know how you guys feel, and I promise, you’re all goin’ to training camp. Listen closely to who’s riding with who, because I’m not repeating it.” He stared around the group, listing off the carpool groups. He probably shouldn’t be as worried about this as he is, nobodies going to _die_.

* * *

Ennoshita clicked his seatbelt and glanced around the car.

“Everyone ready to go? Anything I should worry about?”

Aone stared back silently, Kenma didn’t look up from his game, and Kunimi seemed half asleep. Reon looked the most relaxed he’d ever seen him, and Osamu seemed slightly bored as he scrolled through his phone.

“Could you pass me the aux, Ennoshita?” Kunimi inquired, holding his hand out, Ennoshita quickly acquiesced, passing it to him, before he turned to the road.

“Alright, lets go.”

The entire ride was almost completely silent, the speakers softly played some indie band he’d never heard before, but it still drowned out Osamu’s snores. Aone stared out the window, his expression stony, but his demeanor calm. Halfway through, Ennoshita rolled down the drivers side window, recognizing the car that passed by to also have some of his teammates. Quickly after he heard the screams , he rolled it right back up. He wasn’t touching that.

None of the others complained.

“Reon, you seem awfully relaxed.” Chikara remarked, not taking his eyes off the road. Reon grinned at him.

“This is the first time in months I haven’t had to deal with my teammates. I don’t have any service, so they can’t even text me. This is the most relaxed I’ve been since I met them.”  
Kenma snorted softly from the back.

“Me too, I feel so bad for Yaku, he has to deal with us the most out of everyone.”

“God bless our team moms.” Kunimi mumbled, a small smile on his face.

* * *

Takeda was incredibly happy that nobody in this car had a license, he was having such a nice time. The music was loud, but not loud enough to overpower everyone’s conversations, and everyone was grinning.

“And then, I hit him, obviously.” Iwaizumi finished, leaning back.  
Sugawara nodded at this, and Yaku piped up with;

“But where’d you hit him?”

Akaashi looked slightly sick at the idea of beating his teammates, but still listened, enraptured. Semi looked amused. 

“Back of the head, easy to reach, easy to hit.”

Yaku made a sound of displeasure, and Takeda breathed out of his nose. Something tells him he has lost the peace.

“But, the kick really leaves a mark on their _soul_ , Iwaizumi. Also, not all of us can reach our teammates' heads.” He muttered.

Iwaizumi nodded thoughtfully, and agreed. 

“To each his own, I guess.”

“Oh, there’s Ukai’s car.” Takeda remarked, rolling his window down to greet them. He heard various screams ringing from it, and quickly rolled his window back up.

“It’s not our problem for now.” Suga breathed, his face breaking into a grin, the others echoed their joy for that fact. The car was once again calm, and they talked languidly about random things.

* * *

“I HAVE AN IDEA FOR A SONG!” Kuroo yelled, his face stretching into a catlike grin, Daichi flinched at his sudden shout, but passed the aux cord back. It couldn’t be too bad, right?

“Tonight~ I’m gonna have myself a real good time~” Kuroo used the water bottle in his hand as a microphone, he was almost out of tune, and it sounded like someone was lightly beating a cat. Oikawa caught on almost immediately, using the whiteboard pen he’d been writing with as his microphone.

“So don’t! Stop! Me!” The two sang together, leaning close. “Because I’m-!”

“Having a good time! I’m a shooting star leaping through the skyyyy!” Bokuto trilled, using a protein bar as his mock microphone.

“I’m burning through the sky~ Yeah! 200 degrees, that's why they call me Mr Fahrenheit!” Terushima yelled into his sunglasses, winking at Oikawa.

“I’m gonna make a supersonic man outta you!” They yelled in unison, Daichi flinched, but sang into the whiteboard pen Oikawa shoved into his face, eyes still on the road.

“I’m having such a good time, I’m having a ball.” He sang, slightly annoyed, “If you wanna have a good time, just give me a call!” His singing was quite nice, at least a few steps above Kuroo, and he was getting into it. However, he stayed paying complete attention to the road.

“I am a satellite, I’m out of control!” Oikawa suddenly made his voice mock breathy. “I’m a sex machine, ready to reload! Like an atom bomb!” Bokuto and Kuroo cackled at this, and Terushima winked again, sticking his tongue out, the tongue piercing catching the light. Oikawa’s cheeks flushed pink, but he took it in stride.

“About to WOAH! WOAH! WOAH! EXPLODE!!”

“I’m burning through the sky, yeah, 200 degrees, that's why they call me Mr Fahrenheight,” Ushijima’s deep baritone rang through the car, he blinked the remainder of sleep from his eyes.

“Don’t stop me, don’t stop me,”

“HEY HEY HEY!” Bokuto yelled, the group kept going until the song ended.  
“Hey Ushijima.” Bokuto suddenly asked, chin in his hands as he stared at the other captain. “Where’d you learn to sing like that?”

“Well, Shiratorizawa offers a grade A singing course, which of course Oikawa would know if he-”

“NOPE! We’re _not_ doing this again!” Oikawa huffed.

* * *

It was about 2 minutes of silence that Yamamoto could handle, before he opened his mouth. 

“So, dudes, tits or ass?”

The silence in the car quickly became uncomfortable as everyone thought over the question. Kageyama spoke first.

“Well, obviously ass, but I’m gay so-”

“Alright, dick or ass?” Yamamoto retorted, suddenly very interested in what Kageyama had to say. Kageyama’s cheeks painted red, and he turned his head to the right.

“Ass, still.”

“I’m gay too,” Yahaba began, looking pointedly at Yamamoto, “however, I feel like you should have added more options. Like, what about thighs?”

Yamamoto nodded solemnly, taking Yahaba’s answer into genuine account. Somehow, Kageyama’s cheeks painted a brighter, almost luminescent, red. Watari looked at Yahaba for a moment, before taking his chin in his hand.  
“Good point, I agree, you definitely should have added thighs to the equation, Yamamoto.”

Shibayama was deep in thought, his eyebrows knitted together.

“Sound off,” he began, “who in here is absolutely completely straight?”

“I am!” Yamamoto shouted proudly, before looking around the car aghast.

“J-Just me?”

“Just you, Yamamoto.”

“Back to the argument at hand,” Kai started, focusing still on the street, “without sexualities in the mix, tits, ass or thighs?”

The boys gave their answers. Yahaba, Watari, and Kai all chose thighs, citing sleeping on them, Kageyama, and Sakunami both chose ass, citing the jiggle™, but Yamamoto stuck to his guns with titties.

Everyone conceded that while ass and thighs weren’t too different, Yamamoto was definitely wrong.

* * *

Asahi jammed along to the music in his headphones, blissfully unaware of the balls of energy in his backseats, Yamaguchi texted Tsukishima, bopping his head to the music the blond had recommended, which played in his headphones. 

“I’m a +2 Charisma, -4 Intelligence!” Hinata chirped, looking to the others. Inouka nodded, before adding;

“Well, you’re smart in volleyball, right? Maybe -2 intelligence?”

Hinata beamed with pride, nodding his head. He turned to Goshiki and stared at him, Goshiki’s cheeks brightened.

“Wh-What are you looking at?” He squawked, looking down at Hinata.

“I’m thinking! Hold on!”

“You have to think _that hard_??”

“What's constitution mean again?” Koganegawa asked, staring, confused, at his phone.

“When you can eat a bad tomato!” Kindaichi said back. Suddenly, Shoyo brightened again, his eyebrows evening back out.

“I know what Goshiki is!”

Goshiki’s cheeks brightened even more, and he quickly looked away.

“Goshiki has +2 Strength because have you seen his spikes? They’re all like fwah! Then he goes fwoosh!” He stared at the others, who nodded, somehow understanding what the boy was saying. “He also has +3 Charisma, because he’s really handsome!” 

Goshiki buried his face in his hands.

 _Tendou-san, help me.._ he thought to himself, 

“Kindaichi would have a +2 Dexterity because of his turnip hair!”  
“ _What??_ ”

“It’s Aerotitanic! My science teacher taught us about it last month!”

“No, Hinata! Its Aeroclynamic! My science teacher taught us 2 weeks ago!” Inouka stated, grinning proudly. Goshiki gaped at the two, and looked to Yamaguchi for help, but the boy was still preoccupied by his phone.

* * *

“I’m just saying, there’s no way you can critique _my_ hair, when yours is the color of unhealthy piss.” Tsukishima finished, sending a glare towards Atsumu before he slipped his headphones on and went back to texting Yamaguchi. Atsumu squawked indignantly.

“Well _I’m_ just sayin’, Four Eyes, is that the only reason why ye’re wearing those headphones, is because you can dish the heat but ya can’t take it!”

Tsukishima smiled teasingly, before tilting his head to the side and saying in a singsong voice:

“Tsukishima Kei’s insult corner is now closed, please come back during business hours!”

“Wow, Pisshead, it’s almost as if you _want_ to be insulted by Tsukishima!” Matsukawa crowed, a lazy smile stretching across his face, Hanamaki mirrored his smirk, and leaned on Issei.

“What are you, a masochist?” Konoha snickered from the driver’s seat, Atsumu kicked his seat harshly, and he bucked forward, the car swerving for a moment.

“What are you trying to do? Kill us all because you’re losing?” Tsukishima grumbled, glaring harshly.

“I’m _not_ losin’, but I’m willin’ to die, if it means I can take y’all wit’ me!”

Futakuchi grumbled as he woke up, glaring into the back seats, but mostly at Atsumu.

“I swear to god, I’ll live out of absolute _spite._ ” He sneered, a sleepy glare fixed on his face. Atsumu huffed, and pressed his cheek to the window.

“I hate it here.” He mumbled, an evident pout on his face.

“Behold, the field in which I grow my fucks, lay thine eyes upon it, and thou shalt see that it is barren.” Tsukishima muttered.

* * *

“ALRIGHT, BOYS!!” Ukai Jr yelled and the car practically rocked with how violently the highschoolers were swinging their bodies. Tendou and Lev were filming, Tendou swung his phone around the car, but Lev kept his trained on Ukai Jr. Tanaka and Kyoutani exchanged violent grins while Nishinoya screamed incoherently.

“OH I'M SORRY MAN, I DIDN’T KNOW! JK, JK I KNEW ALONG!”

The entire group violently jolted to the side, but somehow, Ukai Jr kept the car level, even while it moved with the kids.

“THATS WHY I FUCKED YOUR FAT GIRLFRIEND YOU FUCKING NERD” Kyoutani barked out, a glint in his eyes, suddenly, everyone’s heads swung to Lev, who grinned, and turned his camera to himself, he winked before he began.

“But she’s so nice, she’s so nice!” After he’d repeated it about 15 times, Tendou swung his camera to himself.

“YEAHHHHH! TREAT HER LIKE A BITCH!” He shouted, the group revolved through the next verse, before all the cameras swung to Kyoutani, who was genuinely smiling, he laughed, the group's vibes finally getting through to him before he began, his usual scowl set on his face.

“TELL ME HOW MY DICK TASTES TELL ME **_HOW MY MOTHERFUCKING DICK TASTES!_ **” 

“She’s so nice!” Lev finished, the group settled back, leaning onto each other for support, cackling, and in Kyoutani’s case poorly hiding a grin.

“Does this happen a lot? Can I transfer to Karasuno?” Tendou asked theatrically, a hand on his forehead.

“Oh! Oh! Me too! I haven’t been hit _once_!” Lev grinned, and Ukai moved one hand off the steering to ruffle his hair. Kyoutani was still scowling, but his eyes were soft.

“I’m pretty sure your coaches would find me, and kill me if I stole you two.”

The boys pouted at this, before they began scheming on how to transfer to Karasuno without getting Ukai murdered, quickly though, the man told Nishinoya to put on another song, and they were distracted. He rolled down the windows as they yelled along.

* * *

Only 2 of the cars were still completely conscious, Kai’s were discussing about the threshold of when it got gay with the homies, and the captain’s car were still going through 80s ballads. However, the rest, bar the drivers, were asleep. 

In Ennoshita’s car, soft indie music still played as Kenma lay on Aone’s bicep, his game folded neatly in his lap, and Aone leaned against the window. Kunimi leaned on Osamu’s chest, and Osamu had an arm thrown around him. Reon looked completely content, with his face leaning on the window, a hoodie folded between him and the cold glass. Ennoshita calmly left the car, and went around waking up his new friends. 

Aone stopped him from waking up Kenma, holding the puddinghead gingerly in his arms as he walked. Kunimi bared his teeth at Ennoshita, and Osamu reluctantly slung him over his back, grumbling something about him being skin and bones. Reon woke without a fuss, and smiled kindly to Ennoshita, before he walked to where Shiratorizawa was rooming.

Ukai’s car was not as easy. He swears Kyoutani growled at him, and he had to fetch Iwaizumi to come extract him. Iwaizumi effortlessly swung the other boy over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and walked easily to the Seijoh room. When woken, Nishinoya pulled Tanaka from the car, the boys swinging arms around each other and babbling like drunks as they walked.

Daichi followed them, making sure the two didn’t get run over on the way to the Karasuno rooms. Lev flung himself onto Ukai in a mess of limbs, and Kuroo had to come over and hit him to make him fully wake up. Lastly, came Tendou, who got up with a suspiciously small amount of fuss, saying something about ‘finding Tsutomu’. 

Ukai let him be, he needed a cigarette.

Next up, was Takeda’s car. The boys were fairly easy to wake up. Iwaizumi was woken by Ukai, who needed him for Kyoutani, but the others were woken up incident free. Semi swore quietly, but he staggered from the car, Suga woke up with a smile, something about it terrifying the advisor, Akaashi was silent, saying something about making sure that Bokuto didn’t get lost. Yaku sprung up, but still tripped a bit as he walked.

Takeda smiled in their wake, his heart feeling full.

Konoha roughly shoved Atsumu, who whined about fairness, which easily woke up Tsukishima. Nobody was entirely sure if Tsukishima was actually asleep or just ignoring them. Matsukawa was woken up by the others waking up, and dragged Hanamaki from the car and onto his back. 

Asahi picked up Hinata, who had fallen asleep on Goshiki’s shoulder, and swung him over his back. Gently, he woke up the others, and didn’t have any problems with anyone besides Yamaguchi, who grumbled a bit, but ultimately got up to see Tsukishima.

In the end, nobody was completely sure which was more fun, training camp or the car ride there.

**Author's Note:**

> A thank you to my darling Beta, 1sock2sock on ao3!! ☆⌒ヽ(*'､^*)chu~


End file.
